What Pisses Me Off: Virginia Tech As "America's Team"

April 16, 2007. Some people will always remember where they were on that day when they heard about the Virginia Tech Massacre. For some, it's a day that will rank right up there with 9/11 and Columbine. Granted it was a terrible day, but for God's sake do we really need to continue this obnoxious "America's Team" crap with Virginia Tech too?

Now don't get me wrong, what happened there was a tragedy no doubt. But how come every time something bad happens America is "supposed" to root for the teams surrounding those areas.

Last year in the NFL it was the Saints because of Hurricane Katrina, after 9/11 it was the New York teams, and after the VT Massacre it's Virginia Tech. Well I say screw Virginia Tech.

Growing up a Pitt fan, I hate them. And I can't even show my hatred for them here in Happy Valley. You see all those maroon and orange Penn State shirts to pay tribute to VT are still being worn around here. On tv announcers are describing VT as "America's Team", and when I happened to be out one day and noticed VT was losing. My exclamation of "ALRIGHT THE HOKIES ARE LOSING!" drew stares and glares.

When did it become a social law that we're supposed to root for the teams who represent areas that have recently suffered tragedies? How does that help? I didn't root for the New York teams after 9/11, I didn't root for the Saints last year, and I'm not rooting for VT this year.

Besides, did anyone in NYC, Blacksburg, or New Orleans cheer for the Pirates after the Johnstown Flood? Did they don the Pitt's colors after Walt Harris was hired? Did they root for the Steelers to win the Super Bowl after Rolling Rock left town?

NO. So until then...Go Fuck Yourself, Virginia Tech!

NFL Week 2 In Review

I know, I know, there's a game tomorrow. But it's 'Skins/Eagles. Blah.

Random Thought: NBC playing "Secret Agent Man" while on a tight shot of Bill Bel-I-Check-The-Tapes (Credit: Frank Caliendo as Jim Rome) was probably the second third funniest moment of the day.

Which brings us too...

NFL WEEK TWO'S FUNNIEST MOMENTS

#3) Secret Agent Bill

During NFL Sunday Night Football on NBC, on their way to commercial NBC cuts to the aforementioned shot of Bill Belichick and the song "Secret Agent Man" plays in instrumental form as we go to break.

#2) A Truly Funny TD Celebration

During the Cowboys/Dolphins game overrated QB Tony H Romo throws a long touchdown pass to Terrell Owens. Upon scoring Owens goes crazy and begins the best celebration of the year thus far...he pretends to be looking into the football and then cranks an imaginary handle on the side of it as if it were an old-timey video camera. Chad Johnson wishes he could be that funny.

#1) The Bungles Return

Cincinnatti Bengals lose 51-45 to the CLEVELAND BROWNS.

NFL WEEK TWO GAME REVIEWS

I didn't get to see many games this week, by I saw highlights and dammit that's good enough. Okay, let's roll...

Buffalo Bills 03
Pittsburgh Steelers 26

The Game: The Steelers dominate but fail to score when they get in the redzone, thus having to settle for four Jeff Reed field goals. Rookie TE Matt Spaeth catches his second career TD, and Willie Parker gets another in a 100-yard+ performance. Ben looked good as usual and once again I was impressed with Bruce Arians' offensive playcalling.

The Highlight: This game was kinda dull from a highlight standpoint as nothing really stands out. No big hits, no big plays, but I'll say the Steelers completing 3 passes to the tight end this week. Two to Spaeth, one to Miller. Arians is showing a commitment to using the tight ends more.31

The Result: The Steelers improve to 2-0 and await the arrival of the San Francisco 49ers (also 2-0) next week. The most important thing that happened for the Steelers actually took place in Cleveland, but we'll get to that later.

New Orleans Saints 14
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 31

The Game: Ouch. Tampa Bay plasters N'awlins big time. This has to prove that just maybe the Saints played over their heads last season.

The Highlight: I didn't watch the game (stfu) so I can't say for sure. But I'm gonna go with the play where Jeff Garcia threw the ball and hit the side judge in the nards with the football. Then did it again later.

What? Oh that was two years ago when he was a Brown playing the Steelers? Oh well. That was some funny shit.

The Result: New Orleans' 2006 season gets to be labeled a fluke and Tampa Bay gains some confidence as they continue down the path to 4 wins.

Fantasy Fact: I benched Joey Galloway for this week. And he goes on to score 2 TDs. Eff.

Dallas Cowboys 37
Miami Dolphins 20

The Game: Dallas whooped em. Nuff said.

The Highlight: TO's hilarious TD celebration. Chad Johnson just got beer spilled on him. So right now, let's take a look at the hilarious TD celebration scoreboard for 2007.

Terrell Owens 01
Chad Johnson 00

The Result: The Miami Joey Porters fall to 0-2, which surprises no one. Dallas improves to 2-0, they can clinch the NFC East division with a win next week.

Cincinatti Bengals 45
Cleveland Browns 51

The Game: The Bungles proved their defense is anything but improved as they proceed to allow the Derek Anderson-led Browns to put up 51 on them. Hahaha...excuse me. Haha. Ha. Ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Okay I'm done.

The Highlight: 51-45. And the fact that it puts the Steelers solely atop the AFC North in first place. One has to wonder how Chad Johnson felt after the game. His team lost, he got beer spilled on him from jumping into the "Dawg Pound" and he's a jackass. That has to hurt.
The Result: Cincy proves that their defense sucks, and Carson Palmer ch-ch-chokes away another one by throwing an untimely pick at the end to seal the deal for the Browns. And Steelers fans (and NFL fans and fans of the justice system) everywhere laugh. And laugh. And laugh.

In other action: Houston improved to 2-0 (no seriously), Green Bay dominated the Giants, the Colts held on to beat the Titans by two, and the Ravens won. Nothing else really matters.

Well that's it for this week. Peace out.

Headlines: 09-14-07

Pitt Freshman QB To Face Hostile Crowd (But At Least They Smell Better Than WVU Fans)

The Titans Will Beat The Colts This Sunday

How Many Of Those Surveyed Were Under 30 And Claiming To Be Fans Just Because The Team Is Good?

Good To See A Fellow Penn Stater Who Doesn't Think It's Pitt That's Afraid To Play PSU.

The City Of Champions Could Be Adding Another One To The List.

Larry Johnson: Kanzus City Cheefz Runin' Back Y'all!

More People Show Up For Enuff Z'Nuff Concerts Than Marlins Games

Peter Boulware Runs For Office. Hey, He Already Associates With Criminals.

MULTIMEDIA MADNESS

Perhaps this is the reason the Browns lost on Sunday?

*Credit to ClevelandSux from Stillers.com*

YouTube Video Of The Week: Shady Brady And Bill Bellicheat

I Hate Bill Simmons

Now I know some of you out there probably have a soft spot in your heart for the man. You read his "entertaining" columns where he runs down every minute of his boring ass day watching football, or NCAA Basketball, or wrestling and you think "Wow, he's just a regular guy like me." But not me, no to me if there's one thing Bill Simmons is, it's annoying.

In this week's "column" he sat down with fellow Patriots fan Adam Schatz of footballinsiders.com. Now I respect Schatz, his work on the Pro Football Prospectus is great, but this column is nothing more than a New England bitchfest. It is the epitome of Patriots fans' arrogance. Here are a few excerpts followed by my thoughts:

Simmons: Merriman had a positive steroids test last year? Whaaaaaaaat??? I thought LaDainian 'I stole Lawrence Taylor's nickname' Tomlinson just told us the Patriots were the cheaters. I'm so confused. The next thing you're going to tell me is that Luis Castillo failed a steroids test right before the 2005 draft or something.

Ugh. First of all, Simmons crack lame non-funny joke #6 in this section when he comes up with a terrible nickname for LaDainian Tomlinson. That's the kind of joke I would've made when I was 15. And I wasn't a "professional" writer. On top of that Simmons is playing the whole "woe is me I'm a victim" card here. Now granted he and Schatz do say the Pats should be punished for this, but c'mon seriously, Merriman was punished already. He served his suspension and it's over with. Only an arrogant Patriots fan would bring this up as a way to justify what his team did.

Schatz: I loved how Tomlinson told reporters today that the Patriots' motto is 'if you're not cheating, you're not trying.' What's Shawne Merriman's motto?

Simmons: I think it's 'I'm going to be the last Pro Bowler ever who failed a steroids test during the same season he made the Pro Bowl.' You're right, people love hating on the Pats.

Again, why bother attacking Merriman and the Patriots? So he took steroids, HE WAS SUSPENDED! And I hardly think one guy on the team testing positive for steroids even comes close to a head coach and an organization using video tape equipment to gain an unfair advantage over the opposition. Merriman's advantage might be a physical one, but I'm sure there are plenty of other people in the NFL who are stronger than Merriman who AREN'T on steroids. So the advantage he'd gain is minimal in some cases. But the Patriots are gaining an overwhelming gameplanning advantage. If you know what's coming up next you know how to stop it. That's a hell of a better advantage than one guy taking steroids.

Plus, isn't it a little hypocritical of Simmons and Schatz to bust on a guy who was suspended for steroids when Rodney Harrison of their great Patriots has been suspended for HGH? Oh I forgot...they're Patriots fans.

Simmons: Part of the charm of the 21st century Patriots -- at least for me -- was that they remained consistently good without any real financial advantages. The hard salary cap prohibits an NFL team from saying, 'We need a good receiver, let's offer Chad Johnson $110 million over five years,' and even when a team with deep pockets (like the Redskins) splurges on free agents with big signing bonuses, it's a short-term boost that hurts them long-term. For an NFL team to win 79 games and three Super Bowls over a six-year span and have its most talented roster in Year 7, it requires a superhuman effort from the coaches and the front office.

...Or cheating.

Simmons: Here's the thing that shocks me: I always thought Belichick cared too much about his legacy to risk tainting it like this. He's a history buff and someone who allowed Halberstam to follow him around simply because he understood the intrinsic value of a great writer capturing his 'brilliance' in a widely read book. The whole thing is just bizarre. I'm a big Watergate buff, and there are some eerie parallels to last Sunday's Jets game and the '72 presidential electon -- not just the spying symmetry, but that neither the Patriots nor Nixon needed to take the risk. Nixon had the '72 election locked up but was so paranoid, he allowed his guys to basically defame Edmund Muskie and George McGovern and tried to break into the Democratic headquarters multiple times. Belichick knew he had a better team than the Jets, but he tried to steal their signals anyway. Let's hope this doesn't lead to a disgraced Belichick climbing on a private jet in 18 months and raising his arms defiantly in the air.

Does it shock me? No. Does it shock you? No. Does it shock anyone else? No. Why? Because Bill Belichick is widely regarded as an asshole. An asshole of epic proportions. A guy who tried to threaten Vikings coach Brad Childress, he chases Steelers trained John Norwig off the field when he tried to help an injured Patriots player, he throws temper tantrums when he loses, he screwed over the entire Jets organization, and he steals men's wives. Belichick is an asshole, plain and simple, and only a blind, arrogant Pats fan would fail to see it.

Simmons: Eventually, CameraGate won't bother me, either. I'm sure I'll come up with dumb rationalizations for it -- you know, something like 'Mangini blew the whistle on Belichick because he wanted to deflect attention away from the butt-kicking that was happening.' Give me a couple days. Right now, I'm just bummed that the rest of the country has a valid reason to hate the Patriots other than 'I'm tired of watching them win.'

It's okay Bill, the rest of the Patriots nation already HAS come up with excuses.

Simmons: We can't make fun of Elway in this space, ESPN is still operating under the 'No More Elway Jokes For 10 Years' umbrella that went into effect after Norm McDonald humiliated him at the '98 ESPYS. But I'm with you. If we're going to stick an asterisk next to the '01, '03 and '04 Pats, don't stop there -- it needs to extend to Elway's Broncos (cap cheaters), DeBartolo's Niners (cap cheaters), the '90s Cowboys (drugs and hookers), the '86 Giants (coke), the '85 Bears (Tony Eason was on the other team), the '70s Steelers (steroids) and pretty much everyone who ever won a Super Bowl.

Okay...I can give you the Broncos and the Niners, as eventhough that's total bullshit I can see it. But drugs and hookers don't mean jack shit out on the field. Nor does cocaine, and when the Steelers of the 70's did steroids...so did everyone else in the league. I don't see everyone else in the league using a video camera to tape offensive signs.

Schatz: My pleasure. One last thing: the best example of this story being completely overblown is that some people are suggesting Robert Kraft might fire Belichick over this. You don't think Robert and Jonathan Kraft knew Belichick was doing this? Robert Kraft knows what's going on in his organization. At least it's the right time of the year for Kraft to fess up to doing something wrong. His rabbi is busy right now on his Rosh Hashanah sermon, entitled 'Cheating is a sin, and yes, I'm talking to you, Robert.'

Simmons: I went to an Irish-Catholic college so I didn't get that joke.

Schatz: Then you won't get this one either: I keep thinking of Kraft in shul on Yom Kippur saying the prayer that apologizes for all the sins. 'For the sin of breaking vows ... for the sin of videotaping the Jets' signals ... for the sin of messing with the guy the Vikings wanted on their practice squad ...'

Simmons: You're right, I didn't get that one, either. But I still laughed.

I wish I could say the same Bill, I wish I could say the same.

A Dynasty Built On Lies

The implications are stunning. The best team of the 2000s has been caught cheating. All the second half heroics, all the times Belichick would dominate a team the second time he faces them in a season, all three Super Bowls -- all have to be considered tainted.

Now some NFL pundits will make you think this is not a big deal, that all NFL teams do it, the Pats were just the first to get caught. But I will argue until I am blue in the face that the reason they have been the only ones caught is because they are the only team going to this extent to steal signs.

There are ways, within the NFL rules, to gain knowledge of a team's defensive signals. Game footage without audio is available for every team to use to study other teams. I find it hard to believe that these tapes cannot be searched to find out some kind of defensive signaling.

Take Peyton Manning for instance, it is almost unanimously agreed upon that he is the best quarterback (if not player) in the NFL today. He notoriously spends hours and hours in the film room breaking down film. Now as the quarterback he doesn't have time to look over and see what kind of defensive signals the coaches are throwing up, but he does things the right way, the legal way. And he wins.

Rumors have been flying that Bill Belichick mics up his defensive linemen to get the offensive audibles and snap counts and such and then distributes them to his defense at halftime. That would surely explain all those "halftime adjustments" Belichick is so known for. If these rumors turn out to be true (the NFL has questioned New England about a strange radio communications setup on the sideline recently) then New England should automatically be labeled as the kings of cheating. The Barry Bonds of the NFL. There have been rumors throughout the NFL that the Pats cheated. Just like there have been rumors throughout MLB that Bonds cheated. But unlike Bonds, the Patriots got caught.

This brings up the question of how long this has been occurring. One season, two seasons, throughout Belichick's whole tenure in New England? Consider this, in 2004 the New England Patriots signed former Steelers defensive back Hank "I Got Beat" Poteat. Poteat, who was fucking terrible and sucked worse than probably anyone else the Pats could have signed, was a surprise signing by the Pats. What could they possibly see in him? Did they not watch the playoff game against Cleveland in which Poteat got burnt deep on more than one occasion? Well maybe, just maybe they had other plans for Poteat. Maybe Hank was brought in to help decipher their video footage of the Steelers defensive signals. Although the Steelers say they changed their signals when they would face the Pats. But then again, maybe Poteat knew those signals.

And those rumors about New England cheating, they have been going on for years. And like Steelers coach Mike Tomlin said "where there's smoke there's usually fire." Now do not get me wrong, I am not condemning the Patriots to a fate worse than that of the Cleveland Browns, I am merely being the devil's advocate and saying that if these rumors are true, then the true Asterisk Bowl will be, well, all three of the Super Bowls won by New England.

But if, contrary to the rumors, all this cheating and George W. Bush wiretapping is a new issue why did Belichick feel the need to go that route? Maybe he felt that his team wasn't good enough any more. Maybe all those years of taking an injury-riddled defense full of nobodies and making them great year in and year out simply became too much for him. Maybe Bill just decided to take the easy way out. We may never know and this whole issue may get swept under the rug as time goes by.

But from now on, I know I won't watch a Patriots game and think "Wow, those bastards did it again. What a great team."

Headlines: 09-11-07

- Maybe we should put an asterisk nex to their 3 Lombardy Trophies.

- The Baltimore Ravens have male cheerleaders.

- Heisman favorite out against Notre Dame. LOLOL

- Todd Helton sets an amazing record.

- TJ Horsemanzadeh's dad is Iranian, probable terrorist.

- Bill Belichick classless? Nooo.

- Pitt to be the next Pittsburgh sports institution looking for a new boss.

- One game after dropping the Cubbies to 2nd in the NL Central, Pirates' perennial loser Tony Arm-Ass actually pitches well in 9-0 rout.

Field Goal Ken

In other NFL action Monday night, Whisengrimm made it's debut as the head coach of the Arizona Cardinals. And what a debut it was. Not because they won, because they didn't. Not because the Cardinals looked better than they ever has, because the didn't. No, it was a great debut because it taught the entire NFL watching public quite a few things.

THE TOP 5: Things We Learned About The Arizona Cardinals And The Cowher Coaching Tree

5) Russ Grimm Actually Coaches. I was under the impression that he was going to sit up in the press box eating hot dog after hot dog and just buzz down to Whiz when it was time to throw the challenge flag or call time out. After all, Grimm does know when to do those things.

4) Sean Morey Is Someone's Illegitimate Son. How else would a guy with so little skill at anything make team after team? Seriously, you have Anquan Boldin, Larry Fitzgerald, and Bryant Johnson as your top three WRs. Unless the 4th guy is Ron Popeil's age and needs a walker to get out on the field...WHY IS MOREY ON THE FIELD ON FOUR WIDE SETS? Did you notice the DB out jumped him for the ball and made him look like the turd he is?

3) Russ Grimm's Signature. Good to great run blocking, with piss-poor pass blocking. Seriously Matt Leinart was running for his life more than the day he realized he knocked up that volleyball chick. But hey Edge ran for 100+ yards.

2) Watching The Cardinals Will Be Like Watching Vintage 2006 Steelers. Did anyone else laugh when, late in the first half with the ball at mid-field the Cardinals went into the shot gun and ran the draw play not once...but TWICE?

1) Cowher Taught Whiz How To Turtle. Ah MartyBall. Giving the opponents the win since 1984. Seriously, it was painful to watch Whiz's gameplan give the Niners the win. But in contrast, the Bruce Arians' jugular attacking offense gameplan against the Browns was a breath of fresh air. My advice to Cardinals fans....get ready to lose a lot of games you should win because of epic Bill Cowher playoff-style turtling at the hands of Ken Whisenhunt. It's gonna be a fun ride, I promise.

THE GAME IN PICTURES

"Our playcalling in the second half is giving me a headache."

Mike Nolan not only looks better, but he coaches better too.

"I think this is how Bill taught me to yell."

The Cover Of Frank Gore's 1979 Disco Album

His celebration is either sucking his thumb or using an inhaler. Weird.

POST-SCRIPT: The second MNF crew last night (Mike, Mike, and Mike) were 2/3s excellent. Mike Golic provided better insight into the game than anyone other analyst on tv (including Jaws) and Mike Ditka was quick on his feet, knew what he was talking, and didn't just talk to hear himself talk.

Mike Greenberg on the other hand, he was decent but his voice sucks and he should never be allowed to call a football game ever again. ESPN should seriously consider using Ditka and Golic in the booth.

Best Possible Outcome

Cincinnatti 27
Baltimore 20

While I can honestly say I was surprised by the outcome of last night's early "thriller," it was indeed a pleasant one. Watching both teams flop and fly and look totally beatable last night reaffirmed my belief that the Steelers are the most talented team in the AFC North.

But it wasn't just the mediocre performances by both teams that had me pleased and entertained, ESPN did a great job giving us shots of both head coaches, and their reactions were great. Brian Billick looked like he was heading to a WHAM! concert following the game, and Marvin Lewis apparently broke his foot tripping over Chad Johnson's ego.

Billick's facial expressions looked like he had just ate a bad chalupa and Marvin Lewis as usual looked like he was sucking on a lemon most of the game. And their players did nothing to ease their anxiety and calm their faces.

The Baltimore Ravens

Defense: Baltimore's defense didn't look so bad, or so scary. They looked like a shell of their Steelers ass-stompin' selves of a year ago. Rex Ryan's defense looked more like a defense coordinated by former Star Trek actress Jeri Ryan.

I was gonna add a funny caption, but I don't read so I couldn't think of a funny literary quip.

Offense: Offensively Steve McNair seemed to have aged almost overnight (or more likely, over an offseason). Granted McNair was injured, but he's played injured before and played well. Last night...not so much. The Ravens WRs don't scare me, and Willis McGahee will be a nice weapon, but not against the Steelers. Todd Heap impressed me once again, and with the Steelers' inability to cover the TE, he will hurt Pittsburgh, but will it be enough to salvage the sinking ship that is the Ravens' offense?

Oh...I almost forgot, if McNair misses any time and Boller has to start. Well...let's just say...Bwaaahahahahahaha.

Kyle, I mean this in all sincerity...if you fuck this up, I'll shoot you.

The Cincinnatti Benjails


So...he was supposed to be Michael Jackson wearing a Hall of Fame coat?

Offense: Last night the Bengals offense looked pretty good, in the first half. But in the second half they just seemed out of synch. Carson Palmer looked like he was on the verge of once again choking away an important game in the second half. And is it just me or did the Bengals offensive line look no better, if not worse, than the o-line the Steelers are fielding?

Defense: The lucky right-place-at-the-right-time interceptions continued, as did the Bengals inability to stop the run. Had Brian Billick not decided to air it out at the end of the game instead of running it down Cincy's throat there would've been a much different outcome. But a less favorable one as well.

Which brings me (finally) to the real point of this post. The result of Monday night's game was the best possible outcome for our Steelers.

The Ravens drop an early game against a divisional foe that WILL hurt their standing in the division. If it's a close race at the end, that loss could propel either the Bengals or the Steelers ahead of the Ravens. But let's face it, the Bengals won't be in a position to leap frog the Ravens.

Why? Because if there's one thing I know for sure about the Bengals, it's that they always fall apart late in the year, and come up short in big games late in the season. (See: 2005, 2006 seasons) This win will also give Cincinnatti a reason to be confident. They beat the big, bad defending division champs. But this Cincinnatti team won't be happy just being confident. Their egos won't allow it. Instead, I feel that this win will serve to make Cincinnatti overconfident, and we all know what happens when they get that way: they choke faster than Carson Palmer in a late season game against the Steelers.

Remember when we used to be good?

THE GAME IN PICTURES:

These guys just discovered football 3 years ago.

And these guys were dejected when they realized gay marriage wasn't legalized in Ohio.

Almost Kimo 2.0 --OR-- If That Was Keisel It Would've Been A Penalty.

Daunte Culpepper checks out the team he really wanted to play for. Did you know he's a fireman in his spare time?

An introduction.

How yinz doing?

My name is Chase err...Al Mormon and I'm the author of this brand spanking new (and "as-yet-untitled") blog all about sports and sometimes other stuff through the eyes of a Western Pennsylvanian college student. Intriguing? Ok.

Anyway before I add more content to this site let me just give you a little bit of information about myself. I am a senior at "the University Of Penn State" majoring in journalism, and hopefully soon...sports journalism. I am a huge fan of Pittsburgh sports teams, and pretty much everything about the great city.

While I am a Penn State student I do not see the world through Paterno-colored glasses. No I grew up like so many other Pittsburghers, with a family that preached Pitt was it and Penn State was a distant second. I am learning to like the Nittany Lions, but I am objective about it.

Teams I hate: The Browns, the Bengals, the Ravens, the Cubs, Notre Dame, the Patriots, the Flyers, the Red Wings, University of Miami, and many many more.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, my first ever blog post. I am currently trying to come up with a name so if you think of one leave me a comment, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Coming up later this week: My belated NFL season preview, The Weekly Recap, Steelers game analysis, and much more.

Stay tuned.